I am going to attempt to compare what I learned in the soccer world and the desire for the win with our political desire for the win.  Abortion became the goal for Republicans and nothing else mattered.  I have seen how a one-sided focus on a goal can blind us (including myself) to actual justice.  I learned a lot of this in the soccer world.  Side note: for those who truly care about abortion, research it like I did.  You will find Roe who is not happy with where we are on this issue, and you will also hear Frank Schaeffer lament how he helped start the Religious Right using abortion as their tool.  His family used to be considered evangelical royalty.  It is eye opening.  If you are serious about abortion, please research and not call people you know and love names or suggest they don’t care.  They may know more about the story.

What has lead me to write this post is the Supreme Court Justice pick that recently occurred.  I am not making a statement on if he was a good choice.  I am writing a story to ask if this pick was moral?  Even if he is good, do the ends justify the means for christians?  I am asking this because this story played out in a different way in my own life.  I had to discover my own plank in my eye to realize I was participating in an unjust system.  I  did not realize this until the system worked against me.

When Kimberlyn first started club soccer, we played for a really good team.  But it soon fell apart because too many players showed up who were not as advanced as the current players, but we did not have enough players to split and make two teams based on development. Many were already playing for two teams. (They were 7 years old- it is serious business far too young).  What was left we felt would hold Kimberlyn back, so we left too.  I hate saying this because a) she wasn’t ahead b) we just got there and immediately thought we were too good and played the game we said we would never play.  We came to Mutiny because this club was trying to tell a better story than big club and we wanted to be a part of that story.

We went over to a big club and played for a coach we knew.  This coach is great at flattery.  It was easy to get the big head with this coach and think you are the bees knees. So, when he wasn’t treating everyone the same I did not respond how I should have because he was making us feel like champs.  He was elevating us above others, and I was ok with that until it worked against us.  My friends and I were a bit put off by how he treated others, but not enough to leave.  But it soon turned into a monster of a situation.  I saw the writing on the wall and left angry.  I felt lied to and my child was used.  In many ways this is true, but I ignored signs before this to prevent the heartbreak that occurred later.

I was angry others did not leave with me.  I was pretty arrogant thinking just because I finally woke up, now you must also wake up even though it isn’t working against you yet.  We go back to Kimberlyn’s former team who has a new coach, and I just throw ourselves into building this team back up.  This is where I realize I can be bold, and I could engage people to create community.  My first thought to rebuild the team was to call everyone who had been rejected and left out of the former team.  This strategy ended up being a really good thing, it opened my eyes to hurt people feel being rejected in any area of life.  Some parents were crying that they found a place that would give them a chance.  At 8 years old, soccer had become this monster hurting kids and families.  I realized we had a better story, so I told it.

Our Mutiny story was fairy tale for awhile.  Both kids were now on teams that were really excited to be together.  We weren’t winning a lot, but relationships were developing and progress was being made.  I loved where we were.  I was getting to know all the teams at Mutiny and worked to tell their story too.  I would walk around Founders and hugged all the families I have come to know and love, and I still do love them.  These are precious memories always and forever despite the directions this story takes in the near future.

Jake had 4 teams and had to give up 2 of them because we were overwhelmed, and it was so hard to do this – I have written this in a previous post (Our Mutiny story) so I will be as brief as I can in what happened.  We gave the team to 2 trusted coaches.  Both coaches still have these teams today, not at Mutiny, and it is a painful story.

Kimberlyn’s team after years of work and building with constant challenges, became a solid 06 team ready for try outs.  Then US Soccer invades and changes the rules to age pure -meaning the year you were born determines your team.  Six months before try outs and years of building, Kimberlyn and 5 other teammates are now building again.  But these were 6 committed girls, the heart of the team in many ways, and they all stayed. It wasn’t until the week before try outs that 6 more girls show up and a team is made, and they make classic league.  None of that was supposed to happen.  We were joyful and praising how our faith had been made sight.  It was a story that really might not ever be told again in club soccer.  We did what we knew we could do, develop players without stealing from other teams.

After being on cloud 9, something horrible happens with Blake’s team.  I knew what happened was true.  I was close enough to the situation and had been on alert already.  No one knew this.  This is something we will not recover from.  I was sure the team would rally around us and we would work to rebuild because we were such great friends.  I was wrong. The insider is now the outsider.  This is when I realized the phrase, “Can’t we agree to disagree” can be an oppressive question.  What was overlooked to get their way and win knocked the wind out of me.

All of the sudden, Jake and I are alone with this team as they all walk away.  Even the Mutiny board had no idea how much pain we were in.  I never could tell the story again the same way after this.  The few who stay were new and did not know what was happening.  I was devastated.  It hurt Blake so much too.  He could not understand why he could not see his friends anymore and a coach that was like family to us.  I was trying to deal with my own grief and address his.  I was not the best at this.  Thankfully, the counselor at Blake’s school is a dear friend and stepped in to help.  Blake never got into soccer again.  We tried several times to support new coaches, but our hearts were crushed.  Even Jake was at a loss.

The next year we work to reorient ourselves.  I tried to pour myself into Kimberly’s team, but even that one wasn’t feeling the same.  Once you make Classic league you have to win.  Talk about a way to kill all the joy.  It absolutely killed it, at least for us.  Kimberlyn did not benefit from that system.  Those who are on bottom won’t.  This realization takes me somewhere later.  It changed all of us too.  We are still friends, but who we were when we started is not who we are now.  I know that is the way it will always be, we never stay the same; I just wish the system hadn’t destroyed it.

The following year, the fall out from what happened last year was not done.  This time it comes back with a vengeance. Everyone associated with what happened is leaving.  When I finally realized we were losing all, I told Jake 3 more people are going to leave, we must let them go.  It is over.  We lost so much of our heart and soul. We absorbed the pain of what happened.  We worked so hard and created a story that was so good, and now it is gone.  Just to add to the pain, Kimberlyn’s team who had made the year before the week before try outs, now folds the week before try outs.  I could not get over everything falling apart.  And to make it even more personal, it was people from our past who had hurt us that were benefiting from this break up.  I was done.

When I looked at the rubble of what once was and how alone we felt now, I realized I wasn’t as pure as I thought.  I had compromised too.  I only got mad when the system worked against us.  I was well aware people were not being treated right before it came for us. I was telling a better story for Mutiny, but some of it was defiance and wanting attention that we were doing something else.  It is hard to write this- I wanted it to be everyone else’s fault for what happened, but it isn’t.  Now I will say Blake’s team opened my eyes to something deeper going on in humanity.  But I need to write that in another post.  This one is already too long.

Thankfully, Kimberlyn’s story is so great now.  She is playing for her dad, and we are playing in a league that benefits development.  It is a dream. We are going on year 2 playing with this team.   This is a team that can play without the stress, and all of the players are benefiting and enjoying it-what a concept.  It is not a story many will buy into because it is counter intuitive. But unless you are thrown into the sea with no other options but to either sink or find life again, it won’t be a story many will naturally gravitate towards.  You have to experience it to know it is good news.  Sometimes losing is winning.

So to circle this back to the Supreme Court pick.  Why does our soccer story take me to the Supreme Court pick?  This must be me being all over the place, right….It takes me here because I saw good people celebrating this pick.  It is like everything that happened along the way does not matter because now the Republicans and evangelical christians are getting what they want.  It is like their vote for Trump is now justified. Our motives matter. To celebrate is apathetic to women, Muslims, People of Color, Mexicans and Latinos who are having their babies snatched from them, etc.  We are so focused on the end game, we ignore what is happening during the journey that might be telling us to stop and rethink.

I am going to continue this story with how faith plays into this in the next post.

Life feels really heavy right now, because it is heavy.  Last night we attended our city’s annual Red, White and Blue Blast. It was the first time I felt intense pain with the celebration.  I probably should have felt this pain a long time ago as I sit and listen to people who have not had the same America I have had ever.  When we got to the fields,  I sat down and noticed how tired I am – emotionally, spiritually, and physically.  I have tried over and over to write something inspirational, funny or just anything at all, and I keep coming up with nothing.  So I thought about simple things that I have heard or experienced that has made a dramatic impact bringing hope and joy.  They also changed the narrative of the story being told.

Years ago when I attended Oklahoma State, there was a Tuesday Night of Praise gathering I would attend from time to time.  One lesson that never left me was listening to the OSU quarterback at the time give his testimony.  He grew up in the projects and told his story using his street slang.  He told us if we went to the streets saying Jesus did this or Jesus did that – he knew we would be killed.  What he challenged us to do instead was not to be scared of people.  His world changed by a couple who smiled at him instead of turning away in fear.  That confused him, and he wanted to know why they smiled and were not scared. He turned his life over to Christ because someone smiled at him.  I loved this story because I really had no idea what to tell people about Jesus at the time. I really did not have a story to tell at that moment, but I could smile.  Smiling made sense to me.

The other day I was listening to a podcast Julie Rodgers was a guest on.  She is a writer who speaks about all things sexuality, social justice, angst, and Christian hope.  There was so much she said, but one sentence in particular hit on a feeling I felt too; she said when she goes to church her pastor lights up when she and her partner show up.  You can tell this is a new feeling for her by the way she said it.  There is power in lighting up when you see someone.  I remember one Sunday Mark, Heather and George all gave me these beautiful smiles from the chancel.  Those smiles did something for my soul that changed me dramatically.  Can just a smile do that?  I am here to testify – Yes!

Knowing I am enjoyed just by showing up has changed my way of being in the world. I am taking more risks like writing for the church blog, I am going to facilitate my first Bible class to adults, and speaking in front of the church.  I love all things theology, and I am thankful to have found friends who want me to participate in that journey.  I would not have done any of this a year ago.  I will say speaking in front of the church almost did me in.  I have never shook so much in my life, and I was only reciting the opening sentence.  My heart started pounding frantically, so much so, I was trying to find my husband Jake to trade me places because I felt like I could not do this.  Since I could not find him, even though he was right in front of me, I decided it would be more humiliating to run off the stage. Then I started doing what means so much to me when I sit in the pews, I started smiling at people.  When Dawn Hallman smiled back and gave me a thumbs up, my heart rate slowed down and I knew I could do this.  Doug Haney smiling and nodding at me when it was time for me to approach the podium was also enough encouragement to just do it.

When we attended America’s celebration last night, I was reminded of what is still good.  We can still march and protest. We love America, and we can criticize her when she isn’t who she is supposed to be. I was also attending with new and old friends.  Our kids are forming friendships that are only getting stronger because of the chaos.  They will lead us one day.  We have to notice these little things that are happening in the midst of a bad system so we won’t faint.  I think of Garth Brooks song “The Change” that was written after the Oklahoma City Bombing, “It’s like trying to stop a fire with the moisture from a kiss”.

 

 

 

 

In 2016, I bought a blue hat with the phrase “We’re Still Here” on it. Originally, I bought this hat in protest to another hat, but after reading Acts 16, I now see this hat reminding me of a different purpose.

It is easy in times like these, when the troubles of the world seem like too much, to get fatigued.  No change in history has ever occurred without a shaking.  Things will shake that we want shaken, and some things will shake that we absolutely did not want shaken.  Life happens to all of us without discrimination.  Jonathan Martin says this, “It almost always takes a shaking to get the treasure out of God’s people.”  I listened to his sermon titled “Shaken” that he preached in March.  I was fascinated by how he told the story of Paul, Silas, and the jailer in Acts 16.

Paul and Silas were preaching the gospel and were followed by a slave girl who made a lot of money for her owners by predicting the future.  She announced who Paul and Silas were and what they were doing.  Paul cast the spirit out of her. There actually wasn’t anything wrong with what she said, but this proves the wrong spirit can say the right thing.  That got Paul and Silas in trouble because now they have messed with the economy.  Sounds familiar: preach all you want as long as you don’t mess with our money.  They were brutally beaten and thrown in jail.  The jailer was charged with watching them carefully, so he put them in an inner cell and bound their feet.

Paul and Silas prayed and sang hymns while the others listened, and then a violent earthquake happened.  It shook the foundations of the prison and the doors of the prison opened and the chains broke loose; everyone was free.  At this moment the jailer wanted to take his life, but Paul says in verse 28, “Don’t harm yourself!  We are still here!”  The jailer wanted to know how to be saved.  He not only came to believe in Jesus and was baptized, but he tended to their wounds before he was baptized.  The wounds he inflicted.  The shaking caused the gospel message.  In Jonathan’s words again, “The wind of the Spirit is in the chaos.”

I think about the jailer in this story a lot.  When there is a shaking, we who are anchored in hope can find discernment from the Spirit, but those without hope are finding utter despair.  Fear does really ugly things.  Fear is a liar, and lies are in the air.  I think about the phrase Paul says, “We’re still here.”  We are not leaving the oppressed or the oppressor.  This is what my blue hat with “We’re Still Here” on it reminds me of.  This world is on fire, but we are still here.  Whatever the shaking is doing to everyone, we are not going anywhere.

I know what is happening is horribly tragic in our world today.  There is no excuse for the suffering of children.  Jesus has extremely harsh words for those who hurt children. We must be the midwives that defied Pharaoh when he wanted to kill Hebrew baby boys.  I hold out hope for the jailer too.  Will someone have an encounter in their shaking with one who has hope, and not only want to be saved, but tend to the wounds they have inflicted?  I love how the story brings about justice.  It is not just confessing Jesus with our mouths.  We also confess our sins and tend to the wounds we have inflicted.

The problems we face are big.  It will take time to sort through the rubble of what once was, but we get glimpses of Heaven in pieces.  A new creation is coming.  We are getting to participate in bringing in the Kingdom now. The glimpses of Heaven seen and experienced now are enough to keep going.  The stakes are high, but We’re Still Here.

My second visit to Wilshire was on Nov. 26, 2017 for Coffee and Conversation with  George Mason. We were having the best time conversing about authors and pastors we both follow and talking public education with my husband, Jake, who is a teacher. I mentioned Reverend Barber as someone who has inspired me to move in my faith.  At that moment, Heather Mustain said he was coming to an Interfaith event on Martin Luther King weekend that Wilshire was hosting with Temple Emanu-El.  If I had to pinpoint the exact time I might have decided to join this church, this is probably it!  Going to this event was an experience.  I haven’t even written about it until now because I had no idea how to put it into words. I am attempting to do just that.

Rev. Barber inspired me early on when I lost the boat I was on.  I found him through Twitter, like everyone else. Someone shared an article he wrote that floored me, so I started following Repairers of the Breach. One Sunday they shared a sermon he preached when I was home on Sabbatical deciding what to do about my faith and our church. After listening to Reverend Barber’s sermon, I wanted to stand on my chair to praise we have a leader who can lead us through this mess we are in right now. I immediately bought his book, “The Third Reconstruction,” and learned so much.  I recommend this book to everyone.  Interfaith efforts (or the collaboration between different religious groups) is one thing I was inspired by in his book, so when Heather said there was an Interfaith event planned, I knew the Spirit had lead me home.

Reverend Barber opened the Interfaith event with a Gospel song that let me know, in my bones, that we are part of a movement happening now.  The song repeated in multiple stanzas of pray on, fight on, stand on, march on a little longer, everything’s gonna be alright. It was a moment.

Rev. Barber started the sermon with Jeremiah’s lament in Jeremiah 20 of being called by God and then being ridiculed for sharing what was revealed to him. Jeremiah said he could refuse to continue to share and keep the word of the Lord to himself, but the word would continue as a fire in his belly.  I relate to this on so many levels.  It is hard (and I know Wilshire knows this too) when something is revealed as such good news but others don’t see it the same way.  I have really had a hard time accepting so much loss in my life, but I look at what I gained and then I can’t stop feeling gratitude.

Rev. Barber went on with the story of Marin Luther King, Jr.,  who is similar to the  prophet Jeremiah.  Barber said, “We who have great hopes for this nation, cannot afford to be schizophrenic in our understanding about who Dr. King was.”  He did not want this call.  He had a PHD and could have lived a comfortable life anywhere.  He had conflicting opinions about who he was. He did not always know.  There was fear and trepidation. But one night he heard God say, “Martin, let me tell you who you are.  Stand up for freedom; stand up for justice, and I will be with you.”  God never said you won’t be killed.  Martin Luther King went after the sickness of the whole system.  He was declared an enemy of the state once he opposed the war.  He even lost the NAACP when he challenged the Vietnam War, because this administration had passed the Voting Rights Act. Martin Luther King lead a life that called for action, and he challenged the oppressive system that profited off of racism and poverty.

There was so much more Rev. Barber said.  I cannot document all of it.  But let me say the black prophetic witness is strong.  They know how to suffer.  Rev. Barber is bringing back the Poor People’s Campaign Martin Luther King started.  His work is not done.  Rev. Freddy Haynes said we tried to freeze Dr. King in time as a dreamer, but he was more than a dreamer – he was a Drum Major leading the revolution.  We want the dreaming King, not the revolutionary King.

At the end of the event, Rev. Barber had us hold hands together as one body of believers in a God that hears the cry of the oppressed.  We were holding hands with people of all faiths, and hearing Rev.Barber yell “Glory”!  My friend Heather, who attended the event with me, looked at me when it was over and said, “I have never experienced anything like that.”  I hadn’t either. The Spirit is uniting those of us we treat as “other” at the same time our government is trying to divide us along those same lines. It usually takes our backs against the wall to seek help from those of different faiths, and even different denominations.  The Spirit works to unite.  The Spirit leads us into the chaos to find the truth.  People of faith are rising up!  Hope is here.

 

 

 

 

 

This is my last week off work before I start my new job officially.  This week I have spent in silence, reading, spending time with friends, exploring different options for a new career, and writing. I have done yoga, Just Dance, and a mediation everyday this week.  I thought I would be feeling great today because of all of this, but instead I feel shook.  I am sharing this in case this helps anyone else on days like this.

At the end of my yoga session today, I noticed I am feeling very insecure.  I found myself desiring approval from people in a much stronger way than normal.  I know I should only seek approval from God, I tell myself this all the time- but some days I don’t know who God is, and I am not scared to say that anymore.

I realize I am feeling the weight of change in my life–New church, soccer club merger, new job, and living out a new theology that had been bottled up for several years. All are exciting changes, but all of these were and are a huge part of my life too.  It is no small thing to change, even when you love the change.  It is still freedom –even in moments like these when I feel the loss of what once was. (Although I am super glad to be rid of the theology I had before.  I wish more would let go now that the fruit of it has proven rotten).

Practicing yoga and meditation are not just about making myself feel centered and ready to take on the world because I am calm now.  They are also making me aware of how I really feel too.  Today is a day I want to crawl in a corner, and I want everyone to like me again.  It sounds so childish.  But Jonathan Martin wrote something earlier this year that is sitting with me now. (I know shocker it is a Jonathan Martin quote).  He described us all as that kid in the lunch room holding our tray uncertain of where to go.  We are all that fragile kid.  Vulnerability is easier to talk about once you think you are past the pain.  It is much harder to talk about when you are actually feeling very vulnerable in the moment.

Writing has been therapy for me.  I feel like I have been walking on waves after a long dark night, but I am falling in again because sometimes it is still scary or it just hurts.  I feel Jesus lovingly extending his arm to me through the people who are surrounding me every step of the way (old and new friends).  Being so uncertain can be especially hard when your life revolved around certainty before.  That’s why I wrote about what I know is true. There is truth we do know and I take comfort in it. I never want to go back to certainty though!  Please don’t mistake that sentiment. Certainty causes us to hold on, when the whole point has been to let go all along.  We can’t hang on to our kids as babies.  They grow up.  Every stage is amazing (well sometimes LOL), but you have to let go of one stage to get to the next. They will not stay the same, and thank goodness for that- even though it is a loss to leave behind what once was.

I have lost a narrative I once held onto for dear life for so many years.  I lost relationships over this too. Some are still there, but we don’t share the narrative, and that is still loss.  You never realize how hard you were holding on until the boat is gone.  I know so many are wading through this same exact feeling.  One of my favorite authors, Pete Enns, wrote about it on a day I was really not doing well accepting loss.  My current Pastor George says, it is important we experience and feel the losses on the journey.  It is a part of the story of life.  Wilshire knows loss too.  It is something being at a place that has gone through your pain as a whole church.

Breathing is important.  We need to be more mindful of where we are spiritually.  Yoga says things like this, “when you are feeling challenged, it is especially important to breathe” “We must breathe through the resistance”.  I can’t think of more perfect quotes for the times we are living.  We need to make sure we are using our breath wisely as we influence the Spirit of the moment we are facing – personally, locally, nationally and globally.

Don’t forget to breathe.

 

⁸ The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.”^[a]

John 3:8 NIV

Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.

Galatians 5:25

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control

Galatians 5:22

No one wakes up one day and decides they are going to change everything they believe and risk losing all of their friends just for the hell of it.  No one does that! If someone is saying something, and they have everything to lose, it would be wise to listen-agreement is not required. When someone changes the course they have been on, something happened.  Pain is usually involved, because pain is often what it takes to deliver us to the next phase of life.  We do not go willingly. Jen Hatmaker described it as giving birth.  There is pain and resistance, but eventually we must surrender so the new life can be birthed.

When everything I once believed crumbled, because it did not hold up when pain arrived–I ended up finding freedom vs despair. I feel like I need to keep saying this because it is important to know this.  We are being asked to let go.

I really do not know a whole lot about who God is or what God is doing, but I discovered the Spirit and the Spirit is truth (John 16:13).  Knowing I am an Enneagram 7, I can see why the Holy Spirit was so exciting for me to discover. The Holy Spirit is wild and free.  I love how the Bible describes the Spirit as wind, you cannot define or put borders on the Spirit.  I love adventure and following the moment.  Jake and I rarely plan our dates because we like spontaneous fun.    Experience is everything to me, and the Holy Spirit is definitely an experience.  The Bible is to be lived, not over analyzed.

So with all of this said, I realize it is hard to let go of certainty.  We often want an authoritarian leader because they keep order (or so we think). If we had a candidate that we described as wind – no one knows where they came from or where they are going- we would not elect that person.  We have been handed a script that we thought we had to follow so we can earn our next life.  Many would not say earn, but the way we live–you might as well say earn.  I have been cast out of people’s lives for changing my views. It is scary to say “I don’t know”, so tonight I want to share a few things I do know -post letting go of certainty.

1. We cannot explain human suffering.  I don’t even try to understand. What I do know is the Spirit suffers with us, the groans are in our belly.
2. Once you have discovered the Spirit, you can’t stay still.  The Spirit delivers us to life even in the midst of the most tragic trauma.  I have talked to people who have suffered more than anyone should ever have to, but found joy and life despite circumstances. Peace that passes all understanding (Philippians 4:7) Getting help is often required.  We are not designed to carry our burdens alone–Jesus did not carry the cross all on his own. The phrase “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” is not born of the Spirit.
3. Inclusion has lead to more life.  Joy!
4. Diversity is beautiful and a gift from God.
5. Receiving my own freedom to participate fully in church, with no boundaries, has lead to joy I cannot contain.
6. Gratitude drives out fear
7. Gratitude leaves us with a Spirit of abundance.  We will want to share!
8. Living by the fruit of the Spirit is easier than the law!  The law comes naturally when you live by the Spirit.  It is joy driven versus checking the box.
9.  Go where the life is.  You will know you are off when you don’t feel life.
10. Leaving room for mystery makes the story better.  We get to participate in the creation of this story.
11. When you are filled with love, violence just isn’t an option.

I could go on and on.  There is so much we do not know, but there is a lot we do know.  Our certainty to doctrine is not bearing good fruit.  It is hurting people and causing division.  There is no way to live the Bible out completely by what it says start to finish— because it isn’t that kind of book.  It is an ancient text written in a time similar to what we are facing now.  We get an insight into what they are thinking and doing to resist the powerful who benefit from oppression. It is a liberation story. If you notice, the people in the Bible are moving and changing.  Old Testament to New Testament is a huge paradigm shift.

Jesus’s top 2 commands are: Love God.  Love People.  The End.

 

 

 

There are a million things I want to write about right now.  So much is going on, it is hard to narrow down where to begin. But I want to focus on the Pentecost and what it has come to mean to me. This past Sunday was Pentecost Sunday, and the first time I have observed it.  It was amazing to be a witness at a church that recognized the Pentecost at a time I really wanted to talk about it in worship.  Not for show or made up charisma, we stayed Wilshire, as we should!  But dressing in red and acknowledging something out of the ordinary happened to the apostles, and the Holy Spirit was very much involved, and we believe it can happen again and is happening again, was a soul-filling experience for me.

I was completely unfamiliar with the Pentecost until I went through my dark night and started listening to and reading everything I could. It became evident I was drawn to Pentecostals – in particular Jonathan Martin, Brian Zahnd, Carlos Rodriguez, Cheryl Bridges Johns, and Reverend Barber.  I actually did not know Reverend Barber was Pentecostal until I went to the InterFaith Shabbat with Wilshire at Temple Emanu-El.  (Interfaith is also a new passion of mine, but that is a separate post).  When Reverend Barber shared that he was Pentecostal, my thought was: “Of course you are!  That is why I found you.”

I was drawn to the Pentecostal preachers because the Holy Spirit was the piece of the puzzle I did not understand regarding my faith.  I will not say I understand the Holy Spirit now, but listening to Pentecostals has allowed me to glimpse the Spirit’s work a lot more often now.  The Holy Spirit breathed life back into me when I was done.  I wanted to throw in the towel because everything seemed too much, but I wanted to know what was going on.  Carlos Rodriguez explained Psalms 23:2 in a whole new way for me, ” He causes me to lie down in pastures of green grass; he guides me beside quiet waters.” He said if you are tired get some rest.  God may be having you lie down and be quiet for a time.  So I did.  And now I will never be the same.

During my time of rest I listened, and I was reminded that we can learn from each other.  Christine Caine said this, “No one stream of the church is strong in all areas.  This is precisely why we need each other.  If we would only humble ourselves enough to learn from one another we would move forward in strength, instead of continuing to circle the same old mountains.  We are better together.”  This is exactly what I found when I started listening to all faiths, people not of faith, people of color, LGBTQ, women, men, etc.  When I was ready to get up from my rest, I felt a new energy, and a new kind of love for the world.  Despite all the horrible things that are happening, I have experienced and seen something better and I can’t give up on it.  The Holy Spirit is here again-let us not miss what is happening.

Chris Green, Associate Professor of Theology at Pentecostal Seminary, had an amazing video I listened to a while back describing the Pentecostal movement.  Here are somethings I jotted down after listening: Pentecostals identified early on as a movement to live with a Living God always on the move.  God is nomadic, restless–Look where the church is restless, that is where God is at work.  But once you take pride in a movement, it is no longer a movement, it is a monument.  Remembering the way we used to live, but not living the way we used to live.  Triggered by nostalgia instead of being triggered by hope is a dead give away a movement is now a monument.  The mark of a living God, he surprises us.  An idol will never surprise us.  God is faithful, but not predictable.

I love all of this.  I honestly think a Pentecostal movement is needed in every church, but with caution.  When I started learning more about the Pentecostal movement, I heard the crazy side of it too.  We all have some recovering to do and anything good can be misused by an immature person.  The gospel is misused all the time.  But waking the movement of the Holy Spirit is a gift from the Pentecostals that I am so grateful for.

I am quoting a lot of people today because this is not my heritage.  I am going to use the wisdom of those in the Pentecostal movement who can help teach us.  This quote by Cheryl Bridges Johns is a good quote to wrap this post up.  “I fear people desire the power of Pentecost as an added boost of charisma or an expansion of influence.  Pentecost is the power to suffer much, love beyond measure, and bear the world’s burdens.”

Much of the Christian religion has largely become “holding on” instead of letting go. But God, it seems to me, does the holding on (to us!), and we must learn the letting go (of everything else).  Richard Rohr 

It is plain as day now, women have been abused in church.  The SBC (Southern Baptist Convention) is revealing a very large problem that is not isolated to them.  “Wives submit to your husbands” is a verse that has been controversial ever since I can remember.  It has been misused to the detriment of women.  We made a gender hierarchy, and we are still holding on to it even though the fruit of this theology has not been good fruit.  “Wives submit to your husbands” is often preceded and proceeded by “Slaves obey your master” – we have said one is cultural and the other is universal.  I am calling it what it is “Slave holding theology”.  Jesus never embodied the theology that women were to be controlled by men, or be second class to men.

SBC and several other Baptist organizations will disassociate from LGBT affirming churches, but will maintain silence and financial support from churches with domestic abusers.  Paige Patterson is the latest Pastor who did not stand by women who were abused, and it is disgusting.  Nothing was done initially by the SBC or Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, where he resides as President, when he had counseled a woman to go back to her abusive husband and bring him to Christ.  When she returned to church with two black eyes, Paige Patterson was happy because her husband came to church and they were going to make amends.  He also made creepy remarks about a 16 year old girl.  He has finally been removed because enough women wrote letters complaining, and it was revealed he encouraged a woman not to report rape to the police and to forgive her assailant!  They had to do something. It took them 13 hours and they still awarded him Emeritus Status and Housing for Life! The good ole’ boy system were still singing his praises despite the abusive comments and counsel. They thought they could pray enough discipline into him.  Just like our thoughts and prayers after every tragedy.  ENOUGH!

Update: Paige Patterson finally lost all of his post removal benefits, but this is a reckoning that the SBC and Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary took way too long on. And they did it too begrudgingly. This is why our gender roles don’t work! It’s sexist and not safe for women. There is NO getting around it – even with the best intentions. It creates hierarchy and power. That’s the fruit. Women can be called and have always been called. It’s in the Bible.

The church has hung on too long to their patriarchal ideas.  Misogyny, racism, LGBTQ bigotry, greed, etc are some of the horrid symptoms coming from this toxic structure.  Our theology affects human lives.  That is why Jesus said the top 2 commandments are Love God and Love People- Mark 12:30-31.  If there is no life coming from what we are doing, then the Spirit is saying no!  We are to keep in step with the Spirit (Paul said that! Galations 5 – Considering so many use Paul as the justification for this mess).  Jesus promised the Spirit would live in us– the Spirit of Truth–John 14.  The truth is the White Evangelical Church is under judgement.  What really concerns me is how many people are not paying attention, or they are- but even now will not budge on tradition.  Tradition, in the sense we use the word, keeps people comfortable and in the pews.  Our churches do not like to lose people and their money. When something new has been revealed that most likely won’t be accepted initially, we play it safe versus preaching fire.  While we need to be civil and listen to different perspectives, there is such thing as truth.  We cannot agree to disagree on Racism, misogyny, LGBTQ abuse, greed, etc.  The revolution is bold and tender.  In the words of Brene Brown, “Speak truth to bullshit….but be civil”.

I hear more outcry from the white church over not standing for the flag and guns.  Today I read the NFL will fine teams if they don’t stand.  (Peaceful protests are not even allowed for people of color!).  People are dying.  Racism is rampant,  Misogyny is everywhere.  But yes, lets make guns (that are killing children and our police, black lives and many others) and not standing for the flag our outcry.  Our President is calling people animals and not a hint of worry that is how dehumanization happens. It is wrong headed on every level.  We support the powerful over the victims.  I am tired of hearing “it takes time” or “Hang in there” – that is the language of the privileged.  We tell people progress has happened so people will just be content.  If we really want biblical tradition, then we move forward.  We do not cling to what isn’t anymore.  And we certainly cry for justice.  They did not stay with old ways and old ideas that no longer worked.  They protested! The Bible is full of civil disobedience.  The Bible is a minority report.  These were people with the Empire on their necks.  Jesus was killed by the church and state.  What we are doing has been done before.  Learn our history!

I want to address Paul another time.  But he is recognized as an apostle even though he never met Jesus.  Mary Magdalene did meet Jesus.  She walked closely with him, and was chosen to proclaim his resurrection.  She is an apostle too.

For the Love – Love God and Love People.  Keep in step with the Spirit.  Love is on the bottom.  Stop holding on to what you cannot hold onto anymore.  Let go.

You have to lose your life to gain it.  Mathew 16:25  I can testify to this!

 

This is my last week at Richardson East Church of Christ (now named CARE Church).  We have attended church here since 2004, and I have worked for the school as the bookkeeper since 2007.  Both of our children were born with Richardson East as their church home, and they attended CARE Child Development Center as Infants all the way through Kindergarten.  Everything about this church is in our blood.  We leave with heavy hearts but joy for what is to come.  In the words of Jonathan Martin (I know people are shocked I am quoting him!), “There’s no space in you for ache if you haven’t experienced something profound; to experience loss is only evidence you’ve experienced real beauty.  I have only gratitude for my time here.”

Jonathan is currently moving on from where he is as well, actually moving cities. Attending Richardson East so long, and working here also, feels like my whole world is changing.  That little dash 2004-2018 had a lot of living and loving in it.  Several things Jonathan said hit the heart of where I am and what I am doing.  It inspired me to write this note today, before it becomes real on Thursday.

“There was a lot of hard growing up.  What do you do now, with the new person you’ve become?”

“Sometimes all you hear is “go”, and the only thing you know is you can’t stay where you’ve been.”

Jonathan asks do you want to sing a little gospel, or raise a little hell – my answer is yes to both!  He also mentions wanting to erase the line between sacred and secular.  Yes, I am here for that too!  I don’t know what that looks like yet, but I have landed at a place that wants to help me explore what this means.

Richardson East was a love story for our family. Love can hurt at times, because inevitably when you love-you will experience loss.  I really don’t think we can know joy without knowing grief too.

The journey always moves forward. We cannot cling to old ways, ideas, or even people. Receiving the table that once belonged to the Burson family who passed away far too soon, felt like a blessing for our journey.  This table is a death and resurrection story.  The Table also reminds us there is room for everyone.  I never imagined a table like this for our family.  God is in the business of surprising us beyond our imagination.

I can’t wait to explore new opportunities.  The Jesus story is wild and free.  It is not bound by our rules.  We are free.  We don’t have to worry so much about not getting it right – worry about not living and causing others to not live. We have so much anxiety because we don’t believe God is really that good and inclusive.  I want to be a part of the journey that tells a different story. Every voice is included, cherished and important to the story.  Life is not all about us, but we are about life.  Who we are plays into the flow of life, creating the world we live in.  Theology matters.

Onward!  Here are some pictures of the beautiful journey we have been on with Richardson East and CARE Child Development Center.

 

When Mark asked me if I wanted to contribute to the Wilshire blog last week, I felt so honored.  There is something about someone noticing you and asking if you would like to participate.  I would like to share our journey over the past two years and how we have found life at Wilshire.

I have always shared pieces of my life on Facebook. It helped me see the good that was happening every day, and I would write about it. My statuses were not meant to convey a perfect life but a life that could find the positive in everything.  This all sounds good on the surface, and it isn’t inherently bad, but I thought my positive outlook was a Spiritual Gift.  Then one day about two years ago our world fell apart. Some things happened in our life, and I did not feel great anymore. I could no longer give anyone anything but my anger and my tears.  What I had spent my heart and soul to help create was crumbling in the most horrible way. The political environment of our nation crushed me too. When I started speaking up on the injustice of what was happening in my life and the political realm, a friend asked me why I was doing this – why can’t I just be positive?  There it is.  Many of us Christians are afraid to feel anything other than positivity.

I experienced a very dark night. I withdrew from everything that once gave me joy. But I found voices through Twitter that started walking me through this season. Jonathan Martin and Richard Rohr were two that really spoke to my soul. Richard Rohr is a Franciscan Catholic (a mystic), and Jonathan Martin is a self-proclaimed “Hillbilly Pentecostal Pastor.” Jonathan writes the most beautiful words.  His book, “How to Survive a Shipwreck,” restored my weary soul. Even through my tears, when he would start a Twitter sermon I found myself wanting to stand on my hands or run laps. These were life-giving words of an embodied faith. His words could be put to music. I knew right then I must join a Baptist church. Ha Ha! Actually, no.  But the fact that I did is why I love the Holy Spirit.

I discovered in my suffering that the Holy Spirit was in the storm and that is life I have never known before. We serve a living God that loves to surprise us. Somehow knowing that, my fear just disappeared. I did not just survive, I was made new. I am not afraid to feel all the feelings. I love looking for God everywhere, but I will name what is not of the Kingdom too. We cannot hold onto things of this world, and we cannot control death. Now I feel free to participate in the Kingdom and help create a new world. We have always been invited to create. That is the story since the beginning of time.

Our journey to find Wilshire was slow. Finding all of these great pastors and authors on Twitter was great, but I needed people in the flesh and blood that would let me live this new life I had found. We tried over the years to check out other churches that might provide more opportunity for women and LGBT. I could no longer handle us deciding who gets to sit at the Table and who gets to speak. That was a taxing journey. But for my 40th birthday in October, my mom gave me tickets to “Moxie Matters” with Jen Hatmaker and Nichole Nordemon. Two churches were represented at this event and both were full inclusion. I could not believe what I was hearing. I saw the name Wilshire Baptist Church in the program, and I was astounded to hear a Baptist church affirm what Mark was saying (Mark, again, I think we might be best friends. Ha!).  I felt the Holy Spirit strongly revealing to me that I could go to this church and belong. When my family and I showed up at the end of November, I feel like I busted in the doors of Wilshire saying, “Here I am. I know you don’t know me, but I have been looking for you for two years.”

Since being at Wilshire I have heard things like “Have you considered ministry?” “Thank you for trusting me with your heart.” “I am proud of you.” “I love hearing your thoughts. You are free now.” I mean, seriously! I weep every time I think about it – in a good way. Knowing how loved I am because the love of Christ has been embodied by humans, I want to go out into this world that is hurting so much and invite them into this story. I am actively trying to notice people and help them see how their gifts help bring in the Kingdom now. Come as you are.