I Worked Hard For This Day

It is a funny story how I found out Elsa was my prophet. I have compiled a series of posts that explain how it began, and how she started walking me through this new, scary, exciting, and very unknown present. She now lives in me fully and completely. Like Elsa, I was told I could not use the gift that I am using to preach and be used in any way God wants to use me to further love in this world. I, too, was depressed when everything came to a crashing halt. I withdrew for a while, and then I decided (after hearing scripture anew) to let it go and do the next right thing. No right, no wrong, no rules for me, I am free. The very scary line that has conservative men going bonkers is now the anthem of my life. Every day I venture into the unknown and I feel my power grow.

My dear friend Dawn Hallman reminded me all the snowflake name-calling ushered in a new day. Elsa and Anna are finally here. They answered the call.

Here is the story of the work that has been done leading us to this day. I nearly did not make it through this work. Panic attacks, frustration and depression tried to take me out numerous times. But my community never left me. I have been surrounded numerous times, and I got back up every time because I can see my people on the shore now when I get lost in the deep. Now I have more confidence than I have ever had in my life. I believe in love. No matter what this world tries to tell me- the light has come into the world and it will not be defeated by evil. Here is the story in Facebook posts over the past two years:

All the snowflake name calling I brought Elsa to me. Even though you intended to harm me, God intended it for good, in order to preserve a numerous people, as God is still doing today (Gen 50:20-21)

When I go to the store and my prophet reveals herself to me, I listen. Last night I watched Frozen 2 so I could feel my power grow, and Olaf’s quote stood out to me: “How do you guys cope with the ever increasing complexity of thought that comes with maturity?” –
 This is such a good question.
Also, the ice cream. I have decided that whenever I’m called a liberal snowflake again, I’m going to kindly ask you to rephrase it to: Magical Mint Snowflake. #elsaismyprophet

May 22, 2019 I discover Elsa is my prophet

I was trying to decide if I should post this to FB, but I think we can all use a good laugh – and further awakening to the reality there is an active assault on the humanity and freedom of women. This was posted in 2014. Total Gospel Coalition (TGC) saw nothing ridiculous about this. I know about this article today bc a prominent religious leader of the ultra-conservative movement retweeted it. He works for the Billy Graham Institute and Wheaton college, and is heavily involved in the SBC. I won’t name him bc I am trying not to do a take down of a person- even though he needs to be unseated. There’s a lot I know about him that I won’t go into. Anyway, he retweeted saying he will heed this warning and won’t take his grown daughter to the musical. They are scared of women being free bc of the line “no rules for me”. This article is so wrong and childish. I can’t believe I have to explain this. Elsa, found things horribly wrong when she believed the lie society told her about her power. She was free when she stopped believing them and chose her truth. These conservative groups cannot handle a woman being free and living her truth they say isn’t for her. I took Blake to school the next day and told him we are going to listen to a very controversial song. He looked at me like I was crazy. And he laughed so hard when I told him why. He’s wondering what is up with Christianity. So, we are at a point women (and men who are friends of women) are pulling out their Bibles explaining women have worth. What does that say about where we are today?! It’s time to listen to the words of the prophets. Listen to their words believing in another world here and now. Let’s speak the words together and create a world for all of us. Where everyone has equal worth. Let’s make “Let it Go” our theme song.

Here is the article: Are We Missing the Point of Frozen’s ‘Let It Go’? (thegospelcoalition.org)

August 3, 2019 – Getting ready for school

You guys! Look what I found at the store. . I bought these, and I’m sure people think it’s 4 my kids. I wanted to tell everyone it’s 4 me. I’m going back to school. My kids aren’t particularly interested in Frozen, but I have a new-found interest. Elsa is my prophet. You see, some grown a$$ men (who are ministers!) think Elsa is dangerous for our girls & women. When Elsa said “no right, no wrong, no rules for me – I’m free” it sent them in2 a frenzy. But, what I saw was a woman told she can’t use her power or the whole world will turn to ice. But, when she owned her story and “Let it Go” she not only didn’t turn the world to ice; she kept Olaf alive in the summer. It’s pretty powerful when you think about it.

August 2019 – Gratitude for those who got me to seminary

I cannot express in enough detail the depth of my gratitude for the outpouring of support I have received this morning. I woke up to text messages from every single member of my book club wish me love today. I also received a message from Jonathan Martin today- the day before I start seminary. It is so wild b/c he made me realize how much I love the Word, and his words always reach me at the exact moment I am in!I have talked to George Mason. Jaime Clark-Soles has been by my side these last two weeks making me feel not only a part of Perkins now, but in the future too. My family has been reaching out.I am on the computer my former boss is letting me use. Valerie Palmer Meeks tell Herb thank you again! It is a God-send. My Twitter friends are wishing me good luck today. My Bible class has messaged me to wish me well on this new journey.Several years ago, I thought I was finished with the faith. I thought maybe everything I once knew was wrong. Now I know it isn’t about right and wrong, but about life. The falling of our soccer world-in addition to the political environment- revealed to me a problem with theology. Most people in the soccer world were claiming faith in Jesus, but so much of what we were doing was destroying relationships, not making them stronger. Church was doing the same thing. It is connected. After we finally let go. I needed Jake Bruehl to do the same. When he and I both finally let some people go at the end of story that just wasn’t anymore-I felt the storm in my life go from a storm to a quiet rain. It was palpable. Jonathan Martin had a tweet for every day of my grief, and weirdly enough- a tweet for every day I started to get back up. He taught me to sail with the story. This is something I told George Mason the first day we talked. I wasn’t holding back. I was living the song- “Let it Go” and had no idea. I should thank Ed Stetzer and the TGC for pointing me towards my prophet Elsa. I needed it to be ridiculous so I would see she was speaking to me. Ha!Dan Bouchelle, Gordon Dabbs, Nancy Russell Ulrich have stayed by my side, and been a source of encouragement to me throughout this journey. My Church of Christ world is still so important to me. I did not leave them- I am on a new journey, but still taking Church of Christ with me.I was listening to “Let it Go” this morning. Ha! Shocker. It is my theme song now. This verse stuck out to me today-I hadn’t heard it before:”I know I left a life behind, but I too relieved to grieve”

First Day of Seminary – August 2019 First Day of School picture for Lindsay (Look how tired I was. I was having a lot of panic attacks (did not know it) before this day happened.

First day for me. Orientation. Do I feel tired bc I look it? YES! But, I have my Keep Calm and Let it Go shirt on from @wendyelainemoore . Then when I was pouring smoothies this morning I noticed I filled a Frozen cup. I didn’t plan it! Elsa channeled me. #elsaismyprophet #letitgo #seminary #perkinsschooloftheology #baptisthouseofstudies #BHS #notbaptisthousing #tent #smu #ponyup

October 2019 – Panic Attack This is when I am beginning to learn I struggle with anxiety

Fun with family tonight. Dara Aldrich Eason bought me an Elsa magic towel in my birthday package. Tonight @kimbo_joyful and I wanted to see what it looked like. You have to put it in warm water for it to expand. It’s amazing. My favorite rag. (I will share a post for my new friends explaining Elsa. She’s new to my life). Jake Bruehl and Kimbo went to Walmart to get me a weighted blanket. They walked up and down the Frozen aisle to find me an Elsa item. They got me a doll. They thought about hair extensions. . Brutifal world. #findingjoy Kimberlyn said walking the aisle looking for Elsa was fun. Elsa brings joy.

October 2019 Party City message

I went to Party City to find something for the kids, and look who welcomed me! Then look what her cup told me. I spent $1 to get this reminder from my prophet. #elsa #letitgo #elsaismyprophet She’s always here for me these days. #believeinthejourney

November 2019 – Elsa keeps talking to me through this new season

Some days I wonder if I should post. I’m blown away by what I’m learning, and I want to share bc it’s important now. Something has happened, and what I heard on Twitter and podcasts; I’m now living in flesh and blood- in my community. I’m still amazed. I knew when this happened it would come at a cost too. But it was a cost I was willing to pay bc what was revealed was too great too keep in. But here’s what is happening. I’m running into people face to face thanking me for writing. This means more than anyone will ever know. I do all of this out of love, and if it reaches 1 person – that’s enough. Where two or more come together – there’s church Also, I’m running into my prophet Elsa a lot. I know a movie is coming out, but I think it’s also bc I’m in seminary and she knows I need her. I got this message from her today. (Yes, I bought the cup. She’s my prophet!) #hiddentruth

November 2019 – Whose cup?

One cup is mine, and one belongs to a child. Elsa makes the freezing cold morning a lot more fun. #elsaismyprophet#letitgo (now we are enjoying the fire – and she’s motivating my exegesis paper. Luke is going to get it. )

August 2020 – Elsa has always been with me. I had an Elsa My Little Pony- The water pony Nokk

I have found all kinds of treasures tonight. My mental health is soaring with happiness. I’m going to share more later, but first, I found a pony from my generation-not Kimberlyn’s, and she’s an Elsa pony. Elsa was calling even back then.

December 2019 – Elsa is important to me in Seminary, and everyone knows it and appreciates it

Something I never thought I’d say in seminary: oh no! I’m nervous. I can’t find Elsa. . Those who didn’t know thought I lost my mind. The toy my friend gave me was buried deep in my bag. (The Elsa was a gift from my friend, Ashlee Sweeney. This Elsa is still on my desk watching over me and my studies).

My friend, Kay Smeal, drew me the most beautiful Elsa for Christmas

The way my friends have loved, embraced and encouraged my Elsa passion has been life-giving. It is a journey we are all on together, and we are getting to the world that can keep Olaf alive in winter despite all odds.

August 2020 – Elsa helping me chill

Today I’m trying to chill. I know I have a lot coming up, but my brain can only handle so much. So I’m cooking and playing today. I asked Jake Bruehl to take a pic of me with two of my favorite items that remind me of who I am. My coffee mug that says: If my Tombstone says “THAT GIRL WAS A PROBLEM” Then- glory be. And my Elsa ice cream that clarifies the kind of snowflake I am: Magical Mint Snowflake #elsaismyprophet#magicalmintsnowflake#alwaysopentoall#problemgirl#glorybeCool fact about my mug is by Dr. Courtney Pace who is going to be significant in my Baptist training soon.

October 2020 – Elsa revealing she is in me

Inspired by my friend, Helen Jerman, to become my truest self this Halloween. She revealed she is an actual smarty pants. Today, I’m owning the Elsa in me. more pics to come. #halloween2020#letitgo#elsaismyprophet

October 2020 Halloween

Elsa Masks

Election Day self-care with Elsa November 3, 2020

Self-care on a stressful Election Day. I’ve been waiting for this day for 4 yrs. He should have been removed sooner, and I hope our vote reflects that. It did 4 yrs ago, but electoral college. But y’all, I found a new surprise at Kroger: Elsa and Nokk. Nokk is a mythical water spirit whose strength rivals her own. Nokk has been with me in the form of a My Little Pony for 40 years. She’s been challenging my strength this whole time. Jake Bruehl and I got some new sunglasses. May where them around today. The kids are so proud. @kimbo_joyful @blakeizard . I’m wearing my Keep Calm and Let it Go shirt from Wendy Moore. This shirt has gotten me through so much. It’s my first day of seminary shirt, too. I’m Elsa upped and ready for anything. Now I have to study. So hard today. I also have ice cream. It’s not the magical mint snowflake from Elsa, but I see the rest of my community needs her comfort today, too. I’ll use vanilla ice cream to make this Olaf one taste better. Being flexy is a way of life for me. I also have my Elsa soup ready for lunch. #election2020#letitgo#intotheunknown#nokkhasbeenwithmeallalong

Then controversy after a clear victory because we are up against an abuser. Elsa sends this message to people trying to cheat.

December 2020 – Seminary Friends sends me Elsa Friendship Bracelet

After Finals December 2020

I just ended the hardest semester I’ve ever known. I have never felt this kind of tired. It makes me raw and a bit feisty. Work is also demanding right now. My Body is tense with stress. I went to the store and my Matron Saint was there reminding me of who I am. #elsaismyprophet #ineedtorest

Elsa Christmas 2020

Merry Christmas! Santa came, and she’s bringing robes to all the women who have been so good this year. . Check SNL skit if this doesn’t make sense. I really did get a robe, and I’m so happy about it.

Elsa’s New Home at the Bruehl House

We made it. Elsa and Anna are here. There is still so much work to be done, but people are now ready to do the next right thing.

This is where I am now. I thought my life was finished in 2015/2016. The pain was too much to bear. But God came near.

As I reflect on the last 4 years, there’s so much I wish didn’t happen. So much pain and suffering that did not need to happen. But the reality is, so much of this pain and suffering was happening all along because it was hidden by normalcy. Even before my world turned upside down I knew when Bill Clinton balanced the budget in America (the last time this has happened) it was because the market was hiding the massive injustice. Enron was going strong then too—Remember them? I knew not to give him the credit. But Dems do historically better with the budget. This is true despite the narrative placed on them. If the last 4 yrs hasn’t happened so many of us would still be in denial of how much our fellow Americans hurt who have been crying out long before now. I wouldn’t have found the ministers on Twitter who read scripture to me in a way I had never heard, and weirdly got me ready for seminary—none of us knew this. We were just living as friends, no agenda. I would not have found my church and all the people I love so much my heart is now bleeding all over the world with more love than I knew I could give. PantSuit Politics quoted Stephen Colbert who has also endured horrific grief: I now love the thing I wish never happened. Kind of crying now. Studying Greek today I see how misguided our translations are. A whole new world is opening up in me, and I can’t wait to share. None of this would have happened if the last 4 years hadn’t happened. The soccer pain I would have carried alone bc I wouldn’t know others would help lift some of that burden when I left home.