Since coming home from work on Thursday I’ve been tending to my spiritual health. I had a panic attack this week and sleep still isn’t great.
Something helpful I’ve read is a tweet saying depression days are sick days. I’ve never really thought about it like that. My trouble with sleep is part of the illness! So here’s what I’ve done 24+ hrs since being home to help heal—and it’s working:
1) I’ve gotten in my pool (thanks Luther!). It’s chillier now with rain but the 30 min each day has been helpful.
2 drinking more water
3) but—here is the most illuminating one of all to me—bc I never knew this was a problem—I haven’t listened to podcasts or watched Stephen Colbert or anything that gives me any more information at this moment. I’m already overloaded.
My friend and colleague told me it’s my 5 wing that is overwhelming me right now. Anticipating school and learning my internship is a lot. And I’m still listening to all the things in the world in addition to that. I also have a new travel schedule I’m not used to, and I’ve got to learn how to keep enough food in me when my travel time might be extra long. I don’t have to do this alone thanks to my friend, Robin. ❤️❄️.
I’m still waking up at 2:30 or 3 right now. But the last two mornings I’ve gone back to sleep trying a new thing. Right now even my calm app is stressing me out bc focusing on my breath is making me think too much and I really don’t want any noise, so, instead, I have been coming into our living room and appreciating the silence. It’s not a silence I normally get to experience and is different than the quiet of night. Gratitude always helps.
Friday morning I decided to put on a mindless show bc I really wanted to sleep and not think or focus or welcome my awakeness, bc it isn’t welcome. The stupid show worked. And it really was stupid. This 4 cannot handle it so I went to sleep to escape anymore stupidity. 😂. This morning, though, I came into the living room and soaked in the silence again but decided to try and lay my head down without a show. I grabbed my weighted blanket and let myself just listen to the unique morning silence. It worked! And i slept later than 5:30. Made it to 7!!!
My mind is racing less already. I noticed this immediately by eliminating podcasts and shows that give a lot of information. I spent my Friday barely engaged in serious business. I also saw my spiritual advisor and she asked how I felt.
Me: I feel physically tired bc of the lack of sleep, but my mind feels at ease. That’s something.
I thought about working today bc I’d love to do what I can before school starts, but since my sleep is still off I’m going to keep tending to my healing. It’s still a sick day. This is part of the spiritual work.
My spiritual advisor also reminded me that my voice is important. Turning away from information is not being privileged. It’s keep my voice and body strong for the work ahead. She also told me I’m showing that part of spiritual work is receiving help too. ❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️. God with us. God gave us each other.