I have been sitting on this post a while. I am learning not to share everything I am learning the minute I learn it; and, also, not everything is meant to be shared. I can try to explain until I am blue in the face certain things and it will not be received. It makes me frustrated and others frustrated the more I keep trying to explain it. That is too much energy from all of us. And I am sorry for all it has cost us not knowing this. But we do not know until we know.
Reflection: I did not learn what I learned because someone started explaining it to me without my asking or seeking this knowledge; the same is true for others. Even worse, what I think I am explaining can come back to me in a way that compounds the hurt I am trying to make known (explain). Vulnerability is risky and is to be shared with caution.
This one will not leave me alone, though, so I am going to write.
Grief teaches us a lot, if we allow ourselves to navigate it.
As a heart person myself, this is a lonely world. We are living in a world that wants everything explained. It does not have to make sense, it just has to be explained. Which is kind of weird and what sent me seeking because I wanted more sense. Also, this is the paradox to what I just said before: we want certain things explained—but not feelings.
I noticed the problem with explaining in church first, but it got worse when my family went through a storm and were seeking comfort—we were met with explanations everywhere we went to get help. Except therapy. Thank God for therapy. I recommend therapy if you feel like you need it. Go get it. I will help you find a good one if you need help. Message me.
I had a realization I shared with Jake Bruehl several nights ago. I have a gift people find intimidating. It is because we are so unfamiliar with what is going on the inside of ourselves. What frustrates me about this is I have to learn things like math, reading, writing, and whatever else I have to learn without complaint. I might kick and scream about it but I will learn it, because at the end of the day I know they matter.
The same is true for how we feel and regulating emotions. Actually, all of the things I mentioned above will not make a hill of beans of difference if we do not learn how to regulate our emotions. That is my expertise. But we dismiss it, because that is the unseen and unmeasured work that may or may not be realized under our watch. But God sees. The future community will see.
This inability to feel or talk about feelings is leading us to a place where we are lacking empathy and understanding for one another. We are not asking questions but making up narratives that may or may not be real and it is affecting relationships.
I have a gift that needs to be added to the others. It is just as important. It is what makes all the others thrive.
I will post this from Nate Postlethwait. I can follow trauma therapists on Instagram so I am still doing okay. Since I talked about breaking patterns (cycles) this morning, how ironic I found this post. I know I am going where the Spirit wants me to go. It is just really hard and lonely.