Last official morning in my oasis. The place that held me when it all fell apart. It gave me space to listen, to pray, to put the pieces back together and live again. It has grown and changed with me through every trial and joyful experience that came from healing and growth.

I practiced my first in-person sermon out here. I practiced day and night bc I was so nervous. This space didn’t mind my overkill. The universe even gave me an example to set the scene for my sermon. Setting the scene was what I was critiqued on the most in my preaching class.

The scene: My frankincense and myrrh candle 🕯 I had lit to inspire me broke while I was stressing out about how to begin this sermon. My sermon was on the Woman who anointed Jesus in Mark 14. This is the story that followed me all throughout my seminary career. I began to freak out about this candle that broke bc wax was spilling everywhere, but then I stopped for a sec and realized it was illuminating the jar the woman broke in the story to pour perfume all over Jesus’ head. It was setting the scene for me! I thought my candle was being wasted, but it was helping me.

Yes, scientifically we can explain why the candle broke. But those are just facts. What about the timing and how it broke? Who says science doesn’t work with faith? Madeleine L’Engle used science in the stories she told. Science expands our understanding of God—Doesn’t eliminate it.

The candle was not wasted. I used the example it gave me in my sermon and kept the jar for a long time as a reminder of the great faith of this unnamed woman we are supposed to remember every time the gospel is preached. The smell lived on a long time even without the candle.

Look, a remnant of that candle still remains on the pergola table.

Nothing is ever wasted!

Love is never wasted. People may not understand love at first. It seems wasteful and unfamiliar and sometimes threatening. Jesus understands it. Jesus honors it. Love is generous right back. That is demonstrated in that story. Praise be to God.

Final reflection from the pergola. Love is growing. Not ending.

thebruehlsaremoving #sachse #18years #lovewashere #goinghome #nothingiswasted

I have so many calls to make about our moving. I want to share two of the calls I’ve made so far that have confirmed how much we have loved and been loved by all we’ve encountered during our time here in Sachse.

The first one I called is TruGreen. The woman on the other end did not know me but was empathetic bc we’ve been such longtime and loyal customers. Talking to her reminded me of 2016 when I was feeling really depressed about the state of our world (not to say I told you so, but I told you so 😅) and a TruGreen employee came to service our lawn. He stopped me when I was going to the mailbox to tell me how much enjoyed my dogs Gracie Lou and Angel Glory who watched him from the window. He told me they were such beautiful dogs and he enjoyed seeing them every time.
Then there was a time another TruGreen employee came to my house but our ground was too wet to service that day. He saw my “We Welcome Refugees” sign and asked me about it when I opened the door so he could tell me about my lawn. What happened next was not about the sign but telling me how tired he is. He isn’t treated like a human at work anymore (I get this on a much deeper level now). A computer system sets up his schedule and meeting the demands of an inhuman system is the expectation. Those 15 min he had alotted for my yard gave him a moment to breathe and feel like a human. I received his story. I still do.

My next call was with Pest Management. This one was personal. I know the person who calls me bc I talk to him every time. He is heartbroken we are leaving and going somewhere they can’t join us. A story comes to mind about this company too.

This is right before I heard Jonathan Martin speak at Jen Hatmaker’s church in 2017. This matters bc what he preached on, this experience played right into it. A service person came out to treat our pantry moths. He wanted to see Gracie Lou but only Angel Glory would give him the time of day 😂. But in that time he was petting my Angel (May her memory be a blessing) this man starts telling me a powerful story about Nine Inch Nails and Johnny Cash and the song “Hurt.” I’m not sure what made him tell me this story but it was a transcendent moment—a moment I knew something was happening beyond what I could see or ever describe. I wrote a blog post about it bc it was so wild. This serviceman told me the dark and the light need each other. Pest Management delivering a word to me. JC and NIN could not be more different, but they granted JC the rights to their song “Hurt” after having turned down so many other bands who wanted those rights. I’ll post the blog in my comments. But in this story there’s nails, a man with the initials JC, hurt, death, and new life.

It’s wild bc these stories happened at a time I wasn’t so sure about church anymore. The fact love showed up in ways I’d never think to look for in that way, makes me not fear the mass exodus happening from churches. God pursues us in the wilderness. Love always finds a way.

I share these stories bc they are deeply human and beautiful. We are living in a world that is making human connection seem bad and untrustworthy. It absolutely can be, but it’s still worth fighting for. It’s the only way to get home.

Grateful for these memories from TruGreen and Pest Management of Texas.

I’m including a note from TruGreen that Terry wrote a few years ago. He always said something encouraging. I can’t find the pic where he said: Nice Sign. He was referencing my “We Welcome Refugees” sign.

Sachse High School/Garland ISD (2004-2022).

We came to Sachse unexpectedly (my job was moving to Houston) and are leaving rather unexpectedly (life has called us back home to tend to our family). Both moves were and are the right moves.

That dash you see between 2004 and 2022 is where the story resides. A good story has been told. A story that has walls and is still worth living into if the community carries on the legacy Jake is leaving.

I can tell you without question looking at these pictures, and many had to be cut because I take so many pictures, the Bruehl family has been good to and good for the city of Sachse and Garland ISD.

Jake built the Sachse Boys Soccer program that has been consistently good year after year. Jake’s coaching and skill as a leader is not a fluke, he knows what he is doing. He can read the game and loves coming up with strategies. He is wickedly good at it and why I do not like playing games against him. LOL!

What gets talked about less is the work Jake Bruehl has done as a math teacher. He is incredibly smart and loves working with the kids who are harder to work with. He has a gift to meet these kids where they are and some have come to love math because of him. It does happen. Jake also adapted the Math Models curriculum that Sachse uses to this day.

What a gift Sachse High School and Garland ISD have had in their system for 18 amazing years.

sachsehighschool #garlandisd #agoodstory #youwishyouwereamustang

Hi all, I’m tired so I won’t be able to go into a lot of detail about Jake’s diagnosis. Here’s a quick def from the doc and the internet:

Eosinophilic esophagitis (EoE) is an allergic inflammatory condition of the esophagus that involves eosinophils, a type of white blood cell. In healthy individuals, the esophagus is typically devoid of eosinophils.[2] In EoE, eosinophils migrate to the esophagus in large numbers. When a trigger food is eaten, the eosinophils contribute to tissue damage and inflammation. Symptoms include swallowing difficulty, food impaction, vomiting, and heartburn.[3]

Jake Bruehl has had milder episodes of what happened yesterday in the past, but never like this and the episodes were few and far between. That’s why it never occurred to us this was something that needed medical attention. The amount of stress he’s under brought this to light. The body keeps the score.

He’s home sleeping and I’m about to do the same.

Please pray. This will require follow up consultations and medical care.

Dear friends, I am home safely from my trip. It was beautiful and fulfilling in many ways, but I also noticed I’m still under a lot of stress and not really okay right now.

I came home to find out my partner, @jakebruehl , is in the ER. I did not find out until I landed. My soul sister and best friend, @stephmcarroll , came to pick me up. Jake has gagged on some meat and it’s stuck in his throat. He’s been to two places and nothing has worked so far to make it go down. He’s breathing and talking, thankfully, but he can’t keep anything down, so he’s being admitted over night.

I’m not sure why so many things are happening right now, but I know these seasons can happen to anyone and even the strongest struggle to withstand it. If I don’t take some time to rest, I won’t be able to withstand these massive storms happening right now.

With that said, I’m taking time off from everything until I start my residency. All the things I’ve signed up for, I need to withdraw from at this time. I can’t minister or be ministered to in this state.

My family is going to focus on our mental, physical, and spiritual health these next few months. Feel free to call, text, email, and come by to see us. We’d love it if you would. I just won’t be on the socials or at events for a while. We need healing in every way.

Bless all of you and the love you’ve given to our family through thick and thin. We love you.

Jake Bruehl

Teachers are consistently becoming collateral damage to other people’s inner demons. It is time to raise awareness about this.

The Uvalde teacher, the one the authorities accused of leaving the door open that allowed the shooter in the school (the shooter who was also a TEEN!!!!), has had to hire a lawyer because of this. The authorities added to her trauma and the report says her body was shaking and she was completely heartbroken. That is trauma showing up in her body. The lack of care for a teacher who just went through unimaginable tragedy is so revealing of the times we are living in.

What was the sin of Sodom and Gomorrah? It was radical inhospitality. The people were overfed and unconcerned.

Since this is Pride Month, I am also going to let this be another clearing up of sin we as a community have committed against our LGBTQIA+ siblings. This passage has been irresponsibly and dangerously used by Christians who are anti-gay; and, ironically, they are the ones who are consistently guilty of what the passage actually means. I am so sorry this trauma has been placed in your bodies by bad theology. You should not be the collateral damage of someone’s theology as Sarah Bessey says.

The trauma we are inflicting on each other is severe because we as a nation, society, community, and people are not doing the healing work our bodies desperately need. We are continuing to do the same damn things and think all of the victims coming out of the system are just bad people and not the system itself.

Our bodies are not made to carry all of this trauma and the helpers are the ones being crucified because the toxic system is what tries to save itself.

Desmond Tutu said this: “There comes a point where we need to stop just pulling people out of the river.

We need to go upstream and find out why they’re falling in.”

The door thing would not even be an issue if any of our political leaders had passed any gun laws. Our political leaders and all leaders who have power over people’s lives are not taking any responsibility for how they have not only contributed but are also largely the reason we are in this situation. And there are other issues with having to keep the door closed at all times. The system is completely broken. We have to pass gun laws. We also need to get trauma informed. Teachers are the ones at the intersection of all the pain and are taking the blame.

Make it stop.

This cycle of abuse has got to stop.

Schools are not the enemy. Teachers are not the enemy. It is time for a change.

Yesterday, Kirk Cameron wrote public schools are a place where sexual chaos, racial confusion, and “grooming” occur because LGBTQIA+ students and teachers exist. He just opened the door to a conversation that we need to have right now. This is bigotry and needs to be called out. Grooming is also a term being used loosely and it’s dangerous. It has surged since the “Don’t Say Gay Bill. “ It is now going to be a go-to accusation in public schools and Kirk Cameron just made the case for them. We need to understand what grooming actually is. And stop associating it with the LGBTQIA+ community and men who are tender and kind.

Another term conservatives are misusing and not seeing in themselves is narcissism. Here are two Facebook posts I made addressing this today.

Post #4

Kirk Cameron has me on a roll. It is important to highlight what he has done to influence the dangerous end times prophecies that are wreaking havoc in our lives. He is one of the biggest influencers of that movement.

Kirk said what he said yesterday to Fox News. A news source that can rightfully be called pure propaganda now.

Fox and Friends host Brian Kilmeade said Mr. Rogers was the cause of our narcissistic culture because he taught children they were special and valuable just because of who they are. He said that he raised a generation that does not believe they have to do anything. The hosts agreed that Mr. Rogers ruined a generation. They (Fox and Friends hosts) were advocating the idea that kids only have worth if they prove themselves by what they do.

Friends, I am here to tell you that my generation was saved b/c of Mr. Rogers. We had access to the tenderness and love we needed and we got it through public television. Holy Spirit uses whatever she wants to reach people who are being harmed by toxic theology and are experiencing a cruel world. Love is present–even in this, always. This I know. The Bible and Mr. Rogers both taught me that truth. My generation, GenX, is a generation that has been skipped and is talked about very little. We are the prophets who have something to say right now.

My next post is going to be about narcissism. I am trying to keep these posts shorter, but it is hard when there is so much happening.

Let’s talk about narcissism now. These far-right wingers are throwing terms around they either do not understand or do not see in themselves.

A therapist, not mine, once said that accusations made by a narcissist are actually confessions. Found the name: Manjit Ruprai

Let that sink in. Maybe we should be slower to accuse in light of this truth. (I am not talking about victims here–people like Fox and Friends).

I am not going to give the clinical definition of narcissism. I welcome any of my therapist friends to chime in here if I am not stating this as clearly, concisely, and as accurately as needed.

Here is what I know about narcissism: It is NOT loving yourself too much. It is quite the opposite. It is not knowing your worth at all–that your inner knowing can be trusted.

Narcissism is finding one’s worth through external sources–the self is not distinguished from external objects. This is why it is so prevalent in people with power. The world has always worked for them on some level and it has not required them to become self-aware or challenge what they might know internally is not right. The results are telling them a different story. So they learn to trust results over their own intuition. And that is really sad. They never are at peace because they do not know themselves. This is why they are so fragile when challenged on anything.

We need our ego on some level to survive. But as we grow and become more confident in our own self-worth we are able to let the ego/mask we wear for self-protection go and become who we truly are. We learn who we are through love. We have to experience love on some level to be able to grow. To know we are accepted no matter what. This does not happen for narcissists. The false self takes over. From what I am learning it can be reversed, but it will take rewiring the brain. I heard a therapist say that narcissists are actually worse when they get therapy if do not want the therapy for themselves. They will use therapy to learn how to manipulate people better.

Evangelicalism in our culture is prime for creating narcissists. It teaches people not to trust themselves. That is one of the core tenants of their teaching. A person’s instincts are wrong because people are depraved and unwhole until they find God. Only God can be trusted, but it is their version of God who has to be trusted. One cannot search for who God is on their own or they might come to the wrong conclusions. Trust the narcissistic preacher to tell you who God is. Evangelicalism works hard to get people not to think for themselves. Why do you think they go after education when they feel threatened? Education disrupts unholy power.

Trump is a classic narcissist. He talks about himself in the third person all the time. I believe he really does see himself externally, not internally. He is not connected at all to himself. Narcissists are people who never had a chance to grow.

Mr. Rogers said this: A child cannot grow if they are not accepted as they are.

Here are some words from Madeleine L’Engle.

Now I want to say a bit more about Mr. Rogers being a male in this post. What Mr. Rogers did was completely counter-cultural to what is acceptable for a man to do. And they even said in the documentary that there is no place in public television today for a nice man like Mr. Rogers. I can testify this is true in public education too.

As a kid, I was not around many men who were tender and kind and wanted to work with children. Men were taught not to do that–unless they were dominating kids in youth sports (ex. gymnastics and soccer). Educating and teaching children they are enough just by being who they are is not manly enough. That is not a winning message. And a man who is tender gets called all kinds of names and gets accused of the unimaginable. Because of this, I do believe this is why we have a massive amount of violence that is coming from men. Men are the cause of most of the violence in our society and that cannot be denied; it is statistically proven. Toxic masculinity. We are in desperate need of healing masculinity. All of us, no matter our gender identity, would do well to get in touch with our masculinity. It is part of being human.
I am not opposed to dropping the masculine and feminine adjectives and just calling it human, but we are not there yet as a society. I learned that in the “Undong Gender” conference. We need the language to be able to move forward and heal what is wounded.
Here is Mr. Rogers who is so tender and kind. Because of that, he was questioned in interviews if he was really straight; which, by the way, would not be a problem if he was not straight. It is a problem to believe that a straight man cannot be tender and truly kind. I needed a Mr. Rogers in my life. I know he would be accused of so much more if he were alive today because of how good and kind he was to children. I love he said this when he was angry:

(This is my language used with his. We are a duo): I am not here for the people who have long set aside what children need. I will tell you what children need.

Mr. Rogers was also a lifelong Republican and had to witness his own party turning against children, starting with Nixon. It was Nixon who began going after public television and wanting authority over those he did not believe were behaving. He needed money for the Vietnam war. Mr. Rogers was able to talk to people in authority, not Nixon, but Senators (oh, how I wish he could talk to our Senators today and appeal to their humanity!!!!) and help them find the goodness in what he is doing. I have been doing this past three weeks too and it is working–not with Senators, but with city officials. What he told them that is so significant to me is this:

The first thing a child learns in a healthy relationship is how to trust.

We are living in a world that is untrustworthy. Our children have not learned to trust because so many have been violated both at home and in public life (see USA Gymnastics). And goodness can be misinterpreted when that is not what they are conditioned to. I was surprised to see how many people believe Trump loves them. Abuse and love are confused. This is another great argument as to why we need to end punitive systems. That is not love. Abuse is never an avenue to new creation. The best it can do, and it won’t last, is obedience out of fear.

Two Sachse High School teachers have quit on the spot this year and the kids have laughed. People in our community need to understand what teachers, as well as the kids, are dealing with. People in authority have their hands off and are not getting in the ring with them. They are judging from afar and we are losing the people who are actually trying to make the world better.

The Bruehls are not taking that path. I am reading the story of Solomon who judged wisely in a whole new way. I think we give Solomon too much credit and not enough to the brave woman who would not compromise on what is true. It would have been easier to cave according to society’s rules, but that would have been a rejection of herself, her child, and what is true. She kept facing the challenge and the truth won the day. Maybe we need more judges like Solomon, but we also need more bold truth tellers (advocates) like the mother in the story.

Last night I watched Mr. Rogers’s Documentary again, “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?” I needed to be reminded that someone who believed in love and tenderness as the only way to heal was also misinterpreted and called all kinds of names. Especially because he was male. I am not going to make his maleness my focus of this post, but I hope it comes through as a secondary topic quite clearly to an overarching problem we have in our society–specifically, in our schools and churches.
Mr. Rogers was headed to seminary when he saw how television was being used and targeting kids. He saw a wonderful medium being used in a horrifying way that was teaching kids not to value human dignity. He delayed seminary and went to work in television and got a child development background to do it. He took everything that made television popular and did the exact opposite. Low-budget props, he used time in a different way–things were speeding up and he was slowing down–, he kept things simple and consistent in each episode knowing kids who have experienced trauma (may not have named it that then) needed consistency in their lives. He was an unlikely star and it shows how something borne out of necessity can have a lasting effect long after we are gone.
Mr. Rogers might not think his program had much of an impact based on how society looks right now. I cannot imagine what he might say, or if he might actually have given up after all (he was pushed to that point several times) if he knew about all of our school shootings. But I think he would have found a way to persevere. He definitely would not have avoided the conversation about them.
As I look back at his shows, I am stunned by what he took on to share with us as children. Nothing was off the table to talk about, even in deep despair. He did not want children to be left alone in isolation with their own fantasies of loss and destruction. As a child, I did not notice how bold this was because he made it feel safe to talk about these issues. He made a home for so many of us.
My therapist tells me what she is noticing in me is I am always trying to create a home. This is why I responded so strongly, in a good way, to the idea that the book of Romans is a homemaking letter. We are a bunch of people who are prone to homewrecking because of unhealed wounds and it is wreaking havoc in our neighborhood. I want people to feel at home when they are with my family, and most people do. But it takes only one person to misinterpret and attempt to wreck what is sacred. And the most painful admission I can say about this is that they know not what they do. We are a trauma uninformed neighborhood and it is time to talk about that.

I am going to continue this line of thought in another post. This will be a multi-post reflection and one blog post.

See these pictures below? These are images from the first week Mr. Rogers was on the air. Look at what he was taking on right from the start: Building walls, resisting change, authoritarianism due to fear. But the neighborhood sent messages of peace to the king: Tenderness and peaceful coexistence.

We want peace in the neighborhood.